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My Story – “I’m so fat”

I first started to gain weight in high school in Minnesota. Looking back, I see a parallel between getting my driver’s license and gaining weight. I hardly rode my bike any more. I got together with girl friends several times a week at restaurants to eat fries and malts and other empty-calorie foods. The weight came on gradually, and I started to obsess about how “fat” I was becoming.

I would go on absurd deprivation diets, which would last for a couple of days at most. I mean, who can live on graham crackers and chocolate milk…or nothing but grapefruit?

When I went to college in Boulder, Colorado, the trend continued. My self-esteem was at an all-time low. Eating was therapy; eating was a form of entertainment; eating was a way to make myself feel better. Before I knew it, I had gained over 35 pounds. I felt terrible about myself.

Several years later, I moved to San Francisco, where I enrolled at the Academy of Art College, majoring in photography. I had an exciting life and great friends, but I still felt out of control around food. I would eat until I was physically uncomfortable.

My daily mantra was “I’m so fat, I’m so fat.” I would announce to people how fat I was, just so they would know that I was aware that I was overweight. “I’m so fat, I’m so fat.” (story continued)

Do you feel “I’m so fat”?